Expat life and loneliness

When we talk about expat life, we think of adventure, discoveries, new cultures, people you meet and become your friends for life,... we hardly ever mention loneliness. Yet it is undoubtfully a big part of expat life and I have experienced this everywhere I lived abroad.

At the beginning of your new expat life you will be very excited, a new life often more promising is ahead of you and you have so many plans and scenarios in your head. Moving around seems exciting but the reality doesn't always match the fantasy and when reality hits hard, loneliness is never far. The culture shock will hit you a few weeks in and then there will be missing people, feeling isolated and homesick for sure. Although you meet a lot of people during your crazy adventure it doesn't prevent you from feeling extremely lonely from time to time. You've lost all your landmarks, habits and your family and friends are far away. You've simply changed life and you find yourself alone with... well yourself! And when the dust settles, you feel alone and out of your comfort zone. Whether you're in a big city like New-York living amongst 8 millions other people or in a tiny town in the middle of the mountains in Austria, you just don't feel at your place. It doesn't feel like home – you're simply a stranger. And it's hard to live with this feeling! At least at the beginning because it does take time to adapt to a new environment...

When you're an expat, loneliness is the enemy because it's an ongoing thing. It can feel like it comes and goes but it's always there deep inside. It makes every moment of quiet ponderous, every walk alone dull, every benevolent smile sad. It comes anytime without warning, while you're on your way to work although you're on the bus full of people, while you eat your lunch even if you're surrounded by your colleagues, and while you watch your favourite TV series on your couch in the evening when no one else is there.

I've also noticed that the absence of close friends or family can diminish your ability to deal effectively with practical/personal problems that come your way, problems that could have been solved easily back home.

Although loneliness is a very hard feeling to deal with (especially at the beginning when you've never genuinely experienced it) it strengthens you. It really does. It teaches you to become independent and cope alone with things. Loneliness and expat life have been extremely beneficial for my personal development because I now feel able to overcome many things or situations and not much scares me now.

My best advice to get over loneliness would be to meet people and especially other expats because they are in the same situation as you. They go through the same things so they understand you and you often bond with these people better than with anyone else. Another good advice is to never stay home alone doing nothing. Go out and explore this new environment you're in. Take photos, eat local food, read a new book in a cute café. Try things you've never done before. Be confident and dare.

Don't be afraid of loneliness, you're not alone with this feeling and it's just a normal part of the process of expat life :)